Product: Apology Toaster 3000

Before Use: Place the toaster on a flat table. Do not place it near water, curtains, or people who are already feeling guilty.

Step 1: Put one or two slices of bread into the toaster.

Step 2: Push the lever down. The toaster may say, “Sorry for the noise.” This is normal.

Step 3: Wait until the toast jumps up. If the toast is too brown, the toaster will apologize three times. Please do not apologize back. This may start a long conversation.

Cleaning: Empty the crumb tray once a week. The toaster may thank you in a small voice.

Warning: Do not ask the toaster for life advice. It only understands bread and regret.

Troubleshooting: If the toaster says sorry without making toast, unplug it for ten seconds. Then plug it in again and say, “It is okay.”

Customer Support: If the toaster cries smoke, contact the shop immediately.